05 July 2011

Why the fuck did I even watch this movie?

That... that "Las Vegas that looks like Reno with Poker Face and Tik-Tok" scene was fucking stupid. The Grover here? I would've guessed he'd know the most about god matters (that bribing the boatman scene? shit!) but noooo... he knows next to nothing. Annabeth? What a waste of airtime. She was next to useless. Percy? Well, at least you can act but the naivete that I loved from the book was GONE.

The only things I'm happy about are Melina Kanakaredes, Sean Bean, and Rosario Dawson. Everything else can suck it.

I should've stayed with the book.

The first one, "The Lightning Thief" is a pretty good book.

Here's a sign where you can tell that I am enjoying a book:

I love Mythology. VERY MUCH. I know a lot about it and when pop culture references them in books, TV shows, and/or movies, I want it to be faithful and consistent. With the movie "Clash of the Titans", apart from Sam Worthington, the EPIC deviation from the mythology of Io turned me the fuck off. I was so uninterested for the remainder of the movie. (And if you watched it, you'll know that they reveal who Io is in the first 30 minutes of the movie.)

The Percy Jackson books depend a lot on Greek mythology. After all "Percy Jackson and the Olympians" - Percy being a demigod and all. There's a camp where all the children of the gods go to train and stuff. There were kids of Poseidon (Percy himself), Hermes, Aphrodite, Zeus (but she died), and... Athena.

But you see... Athena never had a lover. Athena Parthenos. Virgin Athena. Hephaestus attempted to rape her but he failed in that and impregnating her. Yet in the first Percy book, one of his best friends is the daughter of Athena. And I didn't even gripe about that!

So there you go. It's a good book!

[The movie, however, is a piece of horse shit.]

Okay, I'm done nerding out.

… is seriously fucked up.

Let's face it, Glee Season 1 back nine sucked major ass. The season finale, "Journey" was decent enough to save face. Was I expecting much from the Season 2 Pilot? Not really.

Three new people: Shannon Beiste (Dot Jones), Sunshine Corazon (Charice), and Sam Evans (Chord Overstreet). SRSLY? Chord?! When I first heard about it, I thought it was his character name. And I thought, "Glee's off the deep end. Eh." He looks like a taller and blonder Justin Bieber. A taller twin brother. Charice is... well, Charice. [I voted for her during that kid talent search; the name escapes me right now.] Dot Jones plays the new football coach, replacing Cho - er, I mean Ken Tanaka. Oh man, she's 6'3".

Josh Sussman (Jacob Ben Israel) opens the episode interviewing the characters. Best part was "Did you know that there's a forum on my blog that's begging you to stop rapping?" Eh, Mr. Shue... exactly. Rachel/Lea (eh, I don't know where the line is anymore) is as obnoxious as ever. I seriously do not know anybody like her in real life -- if people tell you you're annoying, shouldn't you at the very least tone it down? I get all the "I don't care what people say" and all but when it starts to drive the persons you're closest to away? I like the Tina/Mike twist very much. They look so cute together. And I'm not just saying that because they're both Asian. Brittany's comeback one-liner came up short. In fact, ALL of her one-liners in this episode were meah. "... I was lost in the sewers"? "Stop the violence"? "Actually, I wanted to touch her breasts"? WTF. Not funny. What happened to the male duck?

I did laugh the fuck out at this one-liner:
"I've never had any balls in my mouth. Do you?" from Sam Evans. PERFECTION. And the looks on Finn's and Artie's faces. I had to pause and just giggle. And I find it cute that Artie's term of endearment for Tina is "woman". Haha, and mega "aww...." towards the end when he was watching Tina and Mike dance. :'(

Speaking of Sam Evans - dude, his real name is more interesting than his character name - Bieber doppelganger can saaang. "Billionaire" is... look at Puck's facial expression and that's what I thought. No disrespect to the Glee dudes but FINALLY someone who can legit sing and sing well. (Mark Salling + Guitar = FUCKING HAWT.) Charice, as we all know, can sing her face off. I was talking to a friend on YM while we were both watching and here's what she had to say:

"As a Pinay [Filipino - female slang], I am having secondhand satisfaction watching Sunshine upstage Rachel."

And upstage, she did. Although WTF is that weird sorta choreography Sunshine was doing during "Listen"? Other than that, Charice held up well. And oh, Rachel? "Listen" was written specifically for the movie adaptation of Dreamgirls so shut the fuck up.

The other songs: "Empire State of Mind" and "Telephone". I don't have much to say about that apart from TOURIST SHIRTS FTW! XD And yes, that look/moment between Finn and Biebs was a wee bit slashy.

"What I Did for Love" is absolutely the WRONG song to close the episode with. Especially with her singing it right after Finn voices out her real intentions of keeping Sunshine off of glee club. It came across as conflicting. Finn said that everyone knows that Rachel did it for herself and she admitted to that. Then she goes on to sing "But I won't regret what I did for love"? Love for whom? Herself? I wouldn't put it past her. And her excuse was rather shallow, dear Glee writers. "I don't want other people coming between our family, messing up our closeness" or something to that effect. Remember, you're short ONE member. Without him/her you won't be able to qualify for Nationals. So she'd rather protect her spot in the light instead of helping her fellow gleeks reach Nationals. Girl, "the gift was ours to borrow"... and now, it's gone.

Overall, the pilot episode was so-so. Typical Glee episode. I was left so confused by the ending.

Britney Spears episode is coming next and I feel no shame in saying how EXCITED I am for that.